The learning never ends, I say. Why would I assume that it does? As I continue to interface with the creative-types I’ve always been involved with, I am now noticing some patterns- the way some people want to suck me into their drama, suck me into their agenda, in their strange unfulfilled need to have me (or someone) see things from their perspective. Maybe it is because I am such an empath, maybe it is because I am keenly aware that one of my physiological trips is trying to find replacements for older siblings- and that often creates a situation where I put myself in subordinate relationships. At least now I am onto all that and I am not just blindly reacting. I am not trying to change someone else, but I am changing.
A decision changes the world - R. Fripp
I have a tendency to want to agree with my friends and associates. I am finding now that it is ok not to agree. It’s ok not to want what they want. Isn’t that funny? So basic. I think this is at least partly because I am now getting clearer and clearer on what I want, and less and less sympathetic to what other people may want to use me for to achieve their aims. It so happens that due to the above, I’ve become extremely good at helping others’ do their thing- and in some ways, I had scarified my own needs on that altar.
I’m guessin’ this is what boundaries are all about. I find it shocking that I’d not seen this before, that I had not known this. It seems so obvious. It does, however, take constant vigilance, confidence, good old fashioned gumption, the sure-footedness of standing my ground, and of course, the biggie: the ability to say no.
A decision changes the world - R. Fripp
I have a tendency to want to agree with my friends and associates. I am finding now that it is ok not to agree. It’s ok not to want what they want. Isn’t that funny? So basic. I think this is at least partly because I am now getting clearer and clearer on what I want, and less and less sympathetic to what other people may want to use me for to achieve their aims. It so happens that due to the above, I’ve become extremely good at helping others’ do their thing- and in some ways, I had scarified my own needs on that altar.
I’m guessin’ this is what boundaries are all about. I find it shocking that I’d not seen this before, that I had not known this. It seems so obvious. It does, however, take constant vigilance, confidence, good old fashioned gumption, the sure-footedness of standing my ground, and of course, the biggie: the ability to say no.
*It's a Matter of Balance, Jacob, one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite people, Larry Reidt.
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